-daughters-
.
Just as with boys, girls recognize that there are others in their lives. Dad and the other siblings are her companions, but mom remains the most important for some time. Your daughter will notice, however, the interaction between mom and dad. She sees that mom is happier when both parents get along, and that mom feels down when they don't. Since your little girl is patterning herself after mom, she begins to base her own value on dad's response to her. If pop doesn't have the time for her, can't be bothered with her little attempts at affection, or just flat-out makes it plain he only wanted big strapping boys (not girls!), she will seek elsewhere for her self-esteem. This will also make it harder for mom to continue to be her role model.
Many men are repulsed by their daughter's attention, thinking there is something perverse in a father loving his little girl, probably because of the vile behavior displayed so prominently in movies, news and television. If they have witnessed it for themselves when they were kids, whether in their own homes, neighborhoods or schools, most adult males will resist anything they think is remotely similar, Unfortunately, this may set your child up to victimized by any pervert who comes along, who is watching for these signs in your daughters! If she cannot get attention from dad, and thereby see that she is worth his time, attention and affection, she will seek it wherever she can find it, and Joe Scuzzball is prowling out there!
Guys, more than anyone else, you have the opportunity to keep her safe and to make her confident in her self-worth, but it isn't going to happen if you wait until she is 16, then start reading to all her boyfriends from the book of threats. The time to start bolstering her ego is when you first notice her attempts to get your attention. It will not be the same for every kid, but could easily start before age 8, and may be as late as age 12.
Ask her to go on a date with you! Yes, ask her, don't just tell her she is going. Within reason, allow her to select the agenda. Escort her to the car, seat her first, see to her comfort then thank her for going out with you. Remember, this is what will set her expectations for all dates to come! Don't blow it by being a jerk or losing your cool. (Mom, this is one of the few events you should not attend. Give your daughter a chance to be Cinderella for the evening, she’ll tell you all about it later.) If you take her to a restaurant, allow her to choose the course, or, at least, her own dinner. Compliment her on her appearance and tastes. Again, treat her in the manner you wish her future dates to treat her, so that she will also expect it of them. What you do, where you go, how she is treated and the time of your return all set the stage for her future date patterns, so show her just how much you respect her. Above all, be sure you both have a good time!
How often? Initially, a special date-night should be somewhat infrequent, and never on a night when she has school the next day. As she gets older, perhaps every month or two, and it might continue a bit after she starts regular dating. You'll know when it is time to stop, because she will no longer have the time or inclination, but she will remember your love, kindness and attention forever.
Oh, yeah, take lots of pictures. You will not believe how much you will miss this when has passed. Never forget that you will have given her a self-image that will last her lifetime, the confidence in herself she will need to function as an adult, and an aura of love that will last her for all of her life. Job well done!
Ephesians 6:1-3 tells us; "Children, obey your parents; this is the right thing to do because God has placed them in authority over you. Honor your father and your mother. This is the first of God's Ten Commandments that end with a promise. And this is the promise: that if you honor your father and mother, yours will be a long life, full of blessing." God has placed parents in a position of leadership and authority over children for a reason! They must have our control, as well as our love. Every interaction we have with our kids carries the opportunity to make them stronger, both from God's perspective, and from ours.
Colossians 3:20-21 instructs us; "You children must always obey your fathers and mothers, for that pleases the Lord. Fathers, don't scold your children so much that they become discouraged and quit trying." If we make the learning process fun, our kids will find it easier to learn. Your daughters will learn their value from you, or they will learn the world's value system. Which do you prefer?
1 John 2:15-16 gives us this admonition; "Stop loving this evil world and all that it offers you, for when you love these things you show that you do not really love God; for all these worldly things' these evil desires - the craze for sex, the ambition to buy everything that appeals to you, and the pride that comes from wealth and importance - these are not from God. They are from this evil world itself." (all quotes TLB) This is an incredibly important lesson, and it is one that your kids can never learn from the world! They need you! They need your love, and they need your values.
Their future requires it.
Their safety demands it.
Live up to the responsibility!
Mr Mike
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
All are our Children
This got to be a lot too long for one posting, so I am dividing it up into (hopefully) easier-to-manage chunks. More to come...
----------------------------
part one - sons
All kids today will get guidance. The world offers a viewpoint that you probably will not like, but one that young people will absorb, if your love, feelings, and beliefs are not evident. Yet, at the same time, we feel driven to provide the best financial future we can for our families.
Sadly, we often miss that out children need a lot more from us than just money.
When I was young, it was accepted that the father would be largely gone throughout much of the day (and sometimes night) earning the "daily bread." To the mother fell the day-to-day responsibility and guidance of the kids. Really big behaviour problems brought out the "Just you wait until your father gets home" threat! This generally worked, simply because dad was so exhausted, that upon his arrival, he got right to the seat of the problem. Weekends, holidays, and vacation time were special, though, and devoted to leisure, sports, family get-togethers and travel.
Perfect? No, but it generally worked. Most of us grew up understanding that our folks loved us, and had certain expectations of us. The majority of young people reached adulthood with only the usual scrapes, stupidities, and minor rebellions marring our paths. We had our adult role models, often parents or other relatives, to emulate.
Today, it is far more common that both parents will have to work, just to try to "make ends meet." Sometimes, one parent will take on a crushing workload, so that, "My kids will have it better than I did!" Either way, the children will suffer. They need both parents in their lives, and not just as role models and caretakers. In differing ways, mom and dad provide each child with their self-esteem, and give them their first understanding of their own value. These things cannot be bought on the credit card.
Babies must have mom. Indeed, it is generally accepted that very little babies do not initially understand that any difference exists between himself or herself, and mom. That realization comes with time, and lots of wet diapers, but for the first several years, love, trust, care, dependence and reliance, are based on, and learned from, mom.
It isn't that a baby doesn't need dad, it is simply that he initially has a role that is not percieved as being tied to the baby's needs. (Don't be upset guys, this may be God's gift to her for enduring the pregnancy. You wouldn't want to go through that, believe me!)
Due to God's design, kids' developement changes fairly soon. Adults' gender-based differences require that the children have unique childhoods, again based on gender.
To grow into a man requires more than that the boy be exposed to sports and toy soldiers and such. As a large part of any child's developement is mental, imagination is always required. At some point, the little guy wants to be a hero, it will be a huge focal point of all his imaginings. Of course, all heroes need someone to rescue, so who will it be? Dad? No, dad is that larger than life guy that junior hopes to be "just like" when he grows up. So who is left? Mom, that's who! Every little boy spends years imagining situations wherein he is the cowboy, soldier, cop, spacemen, robot or action hero who is called upon to "rescue mom" from the great and terrible whatever. With the passage of years, his interests will expand, but his need to be the one who rights wrongs and fights injustice usually remains. He gets into sports (or science, or music, or ROTC, or something similar), but these drives remain, an integral part of his being. It is part of what makes him the man you want him to become. Mom, give him the encouragement he needs. Ask him to help you with tasks that, perhaps, you could accomplish better on you own, but make him feel as though you couldn't do it without him. He will be a much better man for it, and that will make you proud.
This is not meant to imply the father has little, or no work here. Dad will be the role model who teaches how to deal with life's tragedies, how to be supportive, and how to do things like drive, hunt, throw a pass, hit the ball, hammer a nail, mow the yard and be strong. The father is also junior's source for learning how to be loving and respectful, how to play fair and how to shoulder your own responsibilties! If pop doesn't (or cannot) exhibit these traits, then neither will his son.
Sometimes a child will have been so abused that this normal developemental pathway is damaged. In this case, the demand on the non-abusive parties are incredible! This child MUST be shown that all the world isn't his attacker, but it will be a long hard journey for all concerned.
We are told; "Young men, listen to me as you would to your father. Listen, and grow wise, for I speak the truth - don't turn away. For I, too, was once a son, tenderly loved by my mother as an only child, and the companion of my father." (prov 4:1-3)
...and; "Young man, obey your father and your mother. Tie their instructions around your finger so you won't forget. Take to heart all their advice. Every day and all night long their counsel will lead you and save you from harm; when you wake up in the morning, let their instructions guide you into the new day." (prov 6:20-22 - all quotes TLB)
Always remember that your sons cannot hear your instructions and advice if you are not there to share it! Be there! Share your love! Share God's word, and start when they are young enough to hear His message without the world's cynicism and Satan distorting it.
See you soon, in Paradise!
Mr Mike
----------------------------
part one - sons
All kids today will get guidance. The world offers a viewpoint that you probably will not like, but one that young people will absorb, if your love, feelings, and beliefs are not evident. Yet, at the same time, we feel driven to provide the best financial future we can for our families.
Sadly, we often miss that out children need a lot more from us than just money.
When I was young, it was accepted that the father would be largely gone throughout much of the day (and sometimes night) earning the "daily bread." To the mother fell the day-to-day responsibility and guidance of the kids. Really big behaviour problems brought out the "Just you wait until your father gets home" threat! This generally worked, simply because dad was so exhausted, that upon his arrival, he got right to the seat of the problem. Weekends, holidays, and vacation time were special, though, and devoted to leisure, sports, family get-togethers and travel.
Perfect? No, but it generally worked. Most of us grew up understanding that our folks loved us, and had certain expectations of us. The majority of young people reached adulthood with only the usual scrapes, stupidities, and minor rebellions marring our paths. We had our adult role models, often parents or other relatives, to emulate.
Today, it is far more common that both parents will have to work, just to try to "make ends meet." Sometimes, one parent will take on a crushing workload, so that, "My kids will have it better than I did!" Either way, the children will suffer. They need both parents in their lives, and not just as role models and caretakers. In differing ways, mom and dad provide each child with their self-esteem, and give them their first understanding of their own value. These things cannot be bought on the credit card.
Babies must have mom. Indeed, it is generally accepted that very little babies do not initially understand that any difference exists between himself or herself, and mom. That realization comes with time, and lots of wet diapers, but for the first several years, love, trust, care, dependence and reliance, are based on, and learned from, mom.
It isn't that a baby doesn't need dad, it is simply that he initially has a role that is not percieved as being tied to the baby's needs. (Don't be upset guys, this may be God's gift to her for enduring the pregnancy. You wouldn't want to go through that, believe me!)
Due to God's design, kids' developement changes fairly soon. Adults' gender-based differences require that the children have unique childhoods, again based on gender.
To grow into a man requires more than that the boy be exposed to sports and toy soldiers and such. As a large part of any child's developement is mental, imagination is always required. At some point, the little guy wants to be a hero, it will be a huge focal point of all his imaginings. Of course, all heroes need someone to rescue, so who will it be? Dad? No, dad is that larger than life guy that junior hopes to be "just like" when he grows up. So who is left? Mom, that's who! Every little boy spends years imagining situations wherein he is the cowboy, soldier, cop, spacemen, robot or action hero who is called upon to "rescue mom" from the great and terrible whatever. With the passage of years, his interests will expand, but his need to be the one who rights wrongs and fights injustice usually remains. He gets into sports (or science, or music, or ROTC, or something similar), but these drives remain, an integral part of his being. It is part of what makes him the man you want him to become. Mom, give him the encouragement he needs. Ask him to help you with tasks that, perhaps, you could accomplish better on you own, but make him feel as though you couldn't do it without him. He will be a much better man for it, and that will make you proud.
This is not meant to imply the father has little, or no work here. Dad will be the role model who teaches how to deal with life's tragedies, how to be supportive, and how to do things like drive, hunt, throw a pass, hit the ball, hammer a nail, mow the yard and be strong. The father is also junior's source for learning how to be loving and respectful, how to play fair and how to shoulder your own responsibilties! If pop doesn't (or cannot) exhibit these traits, then neither will his son.
Sometimes a child will have been so abused that this normal developemental pathway is damaged. In this case, the demand on the non-abusive parties are incredible! This child MUST be shown that all the world isn't his attacker, but it will be a long hard journey for all concerned.
We are told; "Young men, listen to me as you would to your father. Listen, and grow wise, for I speak the truth - don't turn away. For I, too, was once a son, tenderly loved by my mother as an only child, and the companion of my father." (prov 4:1-3)
...and; "Young man, obey your father and your mother. Tie their instructions around your finger so you won't forget. Take to heart all their advice. Every day and all night long their counsel will lead you and save you from harm; when you wake up in the morning, let their instructions guide you into the new day." (prov 6:20-22 - all quotes TLB)
Always remember that your sons cannot hear your instructions and advice if you are not there to share it! Be there! Share your love! Share God's word, and start when they are young enough to hear His message without the world's cynicism and Satan distorting it.
See you soon, in Paradise!
Mr Mike
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Joseph
As another Christmas season fades from most people's memories, I am reminded of all the usual things for which we thank God; families, friends, health and homes. Christians also add their thanks for the incredible gift that is Jesus, and our salvation, which He made possible. We understand the honor with which Mary was gifted. To be the mother of the Savior is a blessing which has gone forth from Mary and touches all women everywhere.
But I stand in absolute awe of Joseph! Imagine being accepted by God to be a suitable substitute father for His Son! You see, I love kids. I wish I'd been blessed with dozens. It was not to be, but God substituted something just as wonderful. Many children have opened their hearts to me, several have even "adopted" me to be a substitute grandfather. Knowing how I feel about all of them helps me to better identify with Joseph, the foster-father of the Son of God!
Lord, I thank You for all of Your gifts!
But I stand in absolute awe of Joseph! Imagine being accepted by God to be a suitable substitute father for His Son! You see, I love kids. I wish I'd been blessed with dozens. It was not to be, but God substituted something just as wonderful. Many children have opened their hearts to me, several have even "adopted" me to be a substitute grandfather. Knowing how I feel about all of them helps me to better identify with Joseph, the foster-father of the Son of God!
Lord, I thank You for all of Your gifts!
Friday, December 5, 2008
Is He only your "SPARE TIRE?"
Every day I see a lot of folks driving who have no concerns about everyone and everything else. They speed, refuse to use signals, tailgate and cut you off with reckless abandon. All too often they are driving an SUV or other large vehicle, so that in the event of an "accident," they will be safe, even if you aren't.
A lot of us treat God with similar contempt. We careen through life, often narrowly avoiding one spiritual disaster after another, confident that He will save us in the nick of time. After all, Jesus is our "spare tire," and we've got Him in the trunk! When the "blowout" occurs, we just pull over, and it is "Jesus to the rescue!"
Is this what God wants from us? We are told, "Cling tightly to your faith in Christ and always keep your conscience clear, doing what you know is right. For some people have disobeyed their consciences and have deliberately done what they knew was wrong. It isn't surprising that soon they lost their faith in Christ after defying God like that." 1TIM 1:19
...and, "You must love the Lord your God and obey every one of His commands. Listen! I am not talking now to your children who have never experienced the Lord's punishments or seen His greatness and His awesome power." DEUT 11:1-2
...also, "Must God tailor His justice to your demands? Must He change the order of the universe to suit your whims? The answer must be obvious even to you!" JOB 34:33
...finally, "For I have told you often before, and I say it again now with tears in my eyes, there are many who walk along the Christian road who are really enemies of the cross of Christ. Their future is eternal loss, for they are proud of what they should be ashamed of; and all they think about is this life here on earth." PHLP 3:18-19 (all quotes TLB)
Get Jesus out of your trunk! He is not the "band-aid" to fix our "ouchies," nor the "spare tire" to fix our "judgment errors!"
Put Him in charge of your life!
Until we meet again, in Paradise!
Mr Mike
A lot of us treat God with similar contempt. We careen through life, often narrowly avoiding one spiritual disaster after another, confident that He will save us in the nick of time. After all, Jesus is our "spare tire," and we've got Him in the trunk! When the "blowout" occurs, we just pull over, and it is "Jesus to the rescue!"
Is this what God wants from us? We are told, "Cling tightly to your faith in Christ and always keep your conscience clear, doing what you know is right. For some people have disobeyed their consciences and have deliberately done what they knew was wrong. It isn't surprising that soon they lost their faith in Christ after defying God like that." 1TIM 1:19
...and, "You must love the Lord your God and obey every one of His commands. Listen! I am not talking now to your children who have never experienced the Lord's punishments or seen His greatness and His awesome power." DEUT 11:1-2
...also, "Must God tailor His justice to your demands? Must He change the order of the universe to suit your whims? The answer must be obvious even to you!" JOB 34:33
...finally, "For I have told you often before, and I say it again now with tears in my eyes, there are many who walk along the Christian road who are really enemies of the cross of Christ. Their future is eternal loss, for they are proud of what they should be ashamed of; and all they think about is this life here on earth." PHLP 3:18-19 (all quotes TLB)
Get Jesus out of your trunk! He is not the "band-aid" to fix our "ouchies," nor the "spare tire" to fix our "judgment errors!"
Put Him in charge of your life!
Until we meet again, in Paradise!
Mr Mike
Friday, November 21, 2008
Turn on Your GPS!
We all know what a GPS is, that small electronic device that tells you exactly where you are and how to get where you want to go. With it, you can never get lost. Isn't technology wonderful?
Do you ever wish you had a GPS that could help you plan and direct your future? Something that could help you arrive at your ultimate destination, while avoiding the worst of today's spiritual pitfalls? Guess what? You do!
Jesus is our GPS!
By listening to, and following Him, we will arrive at His side in heaven, there to stay eternally. By ignoring Him or turning away from Him, we will arrive at some other destination (and there is, after all, only one other destination).
To use your GPS, you must;
1) turn it on
2) pay attention, &
3) follow its directions.
To get to heaven, you must;
1) recognize that you are a sinner, & will NEVER
.....get to heaven on your own (admit)
2) know that God paid this awesome price for
.....you. Incredible? yes! (believe)
3) tell others, they need to know it works, too!
.....(confess)
God wants us in heaven!
Jesus tells us how to get there!
Do you want to go to heaven?
Turn on your GPS!
See you all in Paradise!
Do you ever wish you had a GPS that could help you plan and direct your future? Something that could help you arrive at your ultimate destination, while avoiding the worst of today's spiritual pitfalls? Guess what? You do!
Jesus is our GPS!
By listening to, and following Him, we will arrive at His side in heaven, there to stay eternally. By ignoring Him or turning away from Him, we will arrive at some other destination (and there is, after all, only one other destination).
To use your GPS, you must;
1) turn it on
2) pay attention, &
3) follow its directions.
To get to heaven, you must;
1) recognize that you are a sinner, & will NEVER
.....get to heaven on your own (admit)
2) know that God paid this awesome price for
.....you. Incredible? yes! (believe)
3) tell others, they need to know it works, too!
.....(confess)
God wants us in heaven!
Jesus tells us how to get there!
Do you want to go to heaven?
Turn on your GPS!
See you all in Paradise!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Nobody
Young people today really have it tough. Morals, politics, public policies, family life and social values have all gone downhill drastically in the last hundred years. The prince of lies has had thousands of years to perfect his techniques, and it shows in every aspect of our daily lives.
Satan knows the future of Christ's church depends on our conveying God's message to, and through, our young people.
What does God's word say?
"...and who should be coming down the road but the Treasurer of Ethiopia, a eunuch of great authority under Candace the queen. He had gone to Jerusalem to worship at the Temple, and was now returning in his chariot, reading aloud from the book of the prophet Isaiah. The Holy Spirit said to Philip, "Go over and walk along beside the chariot." Philip ran over and heard what he was reading and asked, "Do you understand it?" "Of course not!" the man replied. "How can I when there is no one to instruct me?"" Acts 8:27-31 (TLB)
Without our aid, care, concern, love and instruction, young people today will hear only Satan's message, and never begin to understand God's.
Who is there to instruct them?
Nobody but us!
Mr Mike
Satan knows the future of Christ's church depends on our conveying God's message to, and through, our young people.
What does God's word say?
"...and who should be coming down the road but the Treasurer of Ethiopia, a eunuch of great authority under Candace the queen. He had gone to Jerusalem to worship at the Temple, and was now returning in his chariot, reading aloud from the book of the prophet Isaiah. The Holy Spirit said to Philip, "Go over and walk along beside the chariot." Philip ran over and heard what he was reading and asked, "Do you understand it?" "Of course not!" the man replied. "How can I when there is no one to instruct me?"" Acts 8:27-31 (TLB)
Without our aid, care, concern, love and instruction, young people today will hear only Satan's message, and never begin to understand God's.
Who is there to instruct them?
Nobody but us!
Mr Mike
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Ladies' Nite
OK guys, its ladies' nite (so to speak), read on at the peril of your previous convictions...
Women have all recognized that men are different (some are a lot more different than others). Why, you wonder? Lets examine the differences, and the reasons for them...
In general, men are bigger, stronger, more interested in contact sports, hunting, war movies, violent video games, boxing, wrestling... do you see a theme here? We are very aware that men mature over a longer time than do women, why is that? Then, too, most men are not so great at conversation or shopping, is there something that ties these all together?
Within any society, men's and women's jobs differ, especially so in reproduction. Since the female is blessed by God with the ability to bear children, her mate MUST be her defender! Imagine, if you will, a family traveling. Mrs Caveman is 7 or 8 months pregnant, carrying her 1 year-old on her right hip, and the family's belongings (some animal skins and a sharp stick) on her back, when a cougar jumps in to attack. Mr Caveman leaps in with his spear and club, parries off the attacking big cat, then kills it.
Too untimely, you say? Alright...
Mr and Mrs Smith are leaving the civic function and dinner. It is fairly late at night. She, in order to present a good image, is wearing her best clothes and jewels. Suddenly a doped-up psycho leaps out from behind a van, intent on assaulting her and stealing her jewels. Mr Smith leaps to her defense, using his barely-remembered high-school boxing training to save her.
In both cases, the man must be single-minded enough to see the desired end result as a path-line through all possibilities, otherwise his mate suffers the consequences. Women are generally much better at keeping track of multiple tasks, but, to be a good defender, men must be able to single-task to the near total exclusion of any distractions. Men pay a fairly hefty price for this concentration enhancement. During pregnancy, the mother's body actually attacks the unborn male baby's brain, destroying many of the cross-linkages that allow the multi-tasking process to work. In other words, a male is made to be a primarily single-tasking expert. There are other costs, as well. Males are usually much less verbose, which makes it harder for him to express his feelings to you. He will assume you understand that his coming home at night shows you just how much he cares. You worry why he doesn't express his love for you very much? To himself, he thinks; "Hey, I told her I loved her just last month! Tonight I had seconds of her stew, how could she not know?"
Some of what the bible says appears to put women down, as regards men. For example, these verses are often misinterpreted...
Eph 5:22-24 "Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." (kjv)
Col 3:18-19 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." (kjv)
Many men (and women) choose to read a near-slavery into these verses, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Women are told to submit to husbands and to God the same way! It does not say you are enslaved. It does say, "...as it is fit in the Lord." In other words, as it is right by God. So, why would it say that "the husband is the head of the wife?" Think back to the single-tasking caveman above, as he jumped to her defense, he shouted to his wife, "RUN!" Should she not run, she could easily be killed by the cougar, along with her baby and unborn child. The husband is the defender of the family, and leads it, much as a general is the leader of the army, & for much the same reason, survival! Note that the husband is told to not be bitter against his wife, but to love her.
God has put a lot of extra time into making your husband, your defender. Trust God to know what He is doing. Recognize that your man will not be as good as you at some tasks. It doesn't mean he has stopped loving you, he may just need a little jog to his memory, every so often. Remember when you first met how you leaned lightly against him as you waited in line at the movies? How you touched his hand as he drove? How you stared into his eyes at dinner? These are some of the most profound declarations of love you ever made to him, and they are completely non-verbal. You were speaking "his language."
Remember, also, he asked you to marry him. He didn't ask that air-headed twit who jiggled so much when she walked that both her brain cells rattled. Sometimes, your guy just needs to be reminded of your love, and his.
A woman's role is difficult enough. Often, she is Christ's representative to her children, as well as her husband. Keep God in the middle of your marriage. Don't let the world shake your confidence. God gave you a tough job, because He knew you were tough enough. Prove Him right!
See you soon, in paradise!
Mr Mike
Women have all recognized that men are different (some are a lot more different than others). Why, you wonder? Lets examine the differences, and the reasons for them...
In general, men are bigger, stronger, more interested in contact sports, hunting, war movies, violent video games, boxing, wrestling... do you see a theme here? We are very aware that men mature over a longer time than do women, why is that? Then, too, most men are not so great at conversation or shopping, is there something that ties these all together?
Within any society, men's and women's jobs differ, especially so in reproduction. Since the female is blessed by God with the ability to bear children, her mate MUST be her defender! Imagine, if you will, a family traveling. Mrs Caveman is 7 or 8 months pregnant, carrying her 1 year-old on her right hip, and the family's belongings (some animal skins and a sharp stick) on her back, when a cougar jumps in to attack. Mr Caveman leaps in with his spear and club, parries off the attacking big cat, then kills it.
Too untimely, you say? Alright...
Mr and Mrs Smith are leaving the civic function and dinner. It is fairly late at night. She, in order to present a good image, is wearing her best clothes and jewels. Suddenly a doped-up psycho leaps out from behind a van, intent on assaulting her and stealing her jewels. Mr Smith leaps to her defense, using his barely-remembered high-school boxing training to save her.
In both cases, the man must be single-minded enough to see the desired end result as a path-line through all possibilities, otherwise his mate suffers the consequences. Women are generally much better at keeping track of multiple tasks, but, to be a good defender, men must be able to single-task to the near total exclusion of any distractions. Men pay a fairly hefty price for this concentration enhancement. During pregnancy, the mother's body actually attacks the unborn male baby's brain, destroying many of the cross-linkages that allow the multi-tasking process to work. In other words, a male is made to be a primarily single-tasking expert. There are other costs, as well. Males are usually much less verbose, which makes it harder for him to express his feelings to you. He will assume you understand that his coming home at night shows you just how much he cares. You worry why he doesn't express his love for you very much? To himself, he thinks; "Hey, I told her I loved her just last month! Tonight I had seconds of her stew, how could she not know?"
Some of what the bible says appears to put women down, as regards men. For example, these verses are often misinterpreted...
Eph 5:22-24 "Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." (kjv)
Col 3:18-19 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." (kjv)
Many men (and women) choose to read a near-slavery into these verses, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Women are told to submit to husbands and to God the same way! It does not say you are enslaved. It does say, "...as it is fit in the Lord." In other words, as it is right by God. So, why would it say that "the husband is the head of the wife?" Think back to the single-tasking caveman above, as he jumped to her defense, he shouted to his wife, "RUN!" Should she not run, she could easily be killed by the cougar, along with her baby and unborn child. The husband is the defender of the family, and leads it, much as a general is the leader of the army, & for much the same reason, survival! Note that the husband is told to not be bitter against his wife, but to love her.
God has put a lot of extra time into making your husband, your defender. Trust God to know what He is doing. Recognize that your man will not be as good as you at some tasks. It doesn't mean he has stopped loving you, he may just need a little jog to his memory, every so often. Remember when you first met how you leaned lightly against him as you waited in line at the movies? How you touched his hand as he drove? How you stared into his eyes at dinner? These are some of the most profound declarations of love you ever made to him, and they are completely non-verbal. You were speaking "his language."
Remember, also, he asked you to marry him. He didn't ask that air-headed twit who jiggled so much when she walked that both her brain cells rattled. Sometimes, your guy just needs to be reminded of your love, and his.
A woman's role is difficult enough. Often, she is Christ's representative to her children, as well as her husband. Keep God in the middle of your marriage. Don't let the world shake your confidence. God gave you a tough job, because He knew you were tough enough. Prove Him right!
See you soon, in paradise!
Mr Mike
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)