Where did the magic go?

You bought that new car you've been wanting. It has everything; built-in entertainment system, rich Corinthian leather interior, auto-parking, whatever... Three years and 50,000 miles later it has become "the old jalopy."

You married the "perfect" spouse, the man or woman of your dreams. He makes a ton of money and can bench-press a Lincoln Town Car. She is a "beauty-queen", an absolute 12 on a 1-10 scale, and can cook anything Betty Crocker ever dreamed up. Five to eight years, a couple of kids, and some "disagrements" later, he/she has become the other half, the "ball and chain," or maybe just a tax deduction.

You met God, came to realize your need for, and you accepted, salvation. You were on fire for God, wanted to bring the whole world to Christ, wanted to bring Him a return on His "talent." A few years later you've become a "most Sundays" church-goer. Give what's affordable, attend when its convenient, but leave me alone, otherwise.

Where did the magic go?

"Now your attitudes and thoughts must all be changing for the better. Yes, you must be a new and different person, holy and good. Clothe yourself with this new nature. Stop lying to each other; tell the truth, for we are parts of each other and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves. If you are angry, don't sin by nursing your grudge. Don't let the sun go down with you still angry - get over it quickly. For when you are angry you give a mighty foothold to the devil." EPH 4:23-27 (tlb)

Our relationship with God is a result of what WE do, and don't do. If we are to keep this relationship alive, we must put forth the effort. God's love is never-ending. He never defaults on His part of the bargain.

A married couple must both put forth the effort, each remembering how much the other really means, and should always mean.

As for the car, keep it, trade it, or junk it.

Thanks, God!

Sometimes it helps to remember all that we are thankful for. I have the sweetest wife God ever made, and some incredibly beautiful grandchildren. (Thanks, God) I have a church family that cares more than any other I've seen. (Thanks, God) Whenever I return home, my old dog is overjoyed to see me. (Thanks, God) A number of health problems are temporarily in abeyance. (Thanks, God) Though in the Army, my youngest son does not seem to be headed for a war-zone. (Thanks, God) This winter has, as yet, been fairly mild. My joints sigh with relief. (Thanks, God) Instead of hibernating, happy little squirrels scamper about my yard looking for lost acorns. (Thanks, God) A recent plane crash into the Hudson River resulted in no loss of life. (Thanks, God) Countless number of terrible events have not taken place. (Thanks, God) Yesterday, I watched a sunset being painted across the evening sky. (Thanks, God)

This morning, after a relatively pain-free evening, I awoke to a fantastic sunrise.
(God just told me, "You're welcome.")

All are our children - part 3

- others -

What others? Grandchildren, nieces, nephews, adoptees, foster children, neighbors, students and add-ons can depend upon us to fill in for biological parents. It can occasionally occur with kids we don't even know, for example, a lost child at the supermarket.

These children are usually not related to us, and with the exception of adoptees, any relationship we may have is temporary. A youngster may merely need someone to supply short-term emotional support. Regardless of the circumstances, if you become a kid's "hero," you MUST live up to the image! He (or she) must be more protected with you, than even would be the case with the natural parents. At the same time, you must be a padded cage, invisible to the child, that separates that child from you, as well as from any potential harmful elements. The kid's safety MUST be PARAMOUNT!

Our society does not make this easy. It seems that abusing children has become the accepted norm in this evil world. You cannot stop all of it, but you can help to insulate the ones in your care from such abuse. Keep being the hero! God is counting on you!

Jesus told us, "Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven." (MAT 19:14) KJV

If we do not help protect all children from all harm, then we are no better than those who intend to do them harm!

Remember, they are all our children! Every last one belongs to, and is precious to, our Lord.

With your help, we'll get to see them all again, in Paradise!

Mr Mike

All are our children - part 2

-daughters-
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Just as with boys, girls recognize that there are others in their lives. Dad and the other siblings are her companions, but mom remains the most important for some time. Your daughter will notice, however, the interaction between mom and dad. She sees that mom is happier when both parents get along, and that mom feels down when they don't. Since your little girl is patterning herself after mom, she begins to base her own value on dad's response to her. If pop doesn't have the time for her, can't be bothered with her little attempts at affection, or just flat-out makes it plain he only wanted big strapping boys (not girls!), she will seek elsewhere for her self-esteem. This will also make it harder for mom to continue to be her role model.

Many men are repulsed by their daughter's attention, thinking there is something perverse in a father loving his little girl, probably because of the vile behavior displayed so prominently in movies, news and television. If they have witnessed it for themselves when they were kids, whether in their own homes, neighborhoods or schools, most adult males will resist anything they think is remotely similar, Unfortunately, this may set your child up to victimized by any pervert who comes along, who is watching for these signs in your daughters! If she cannot get attention from dad, and thereby see that she is worth his time, attention and affection, she will seek it wherever she can find it, and Joe Scuzzball is prowling out there!

Guys, more than anyone else, you have the opportunity to keep her safe and to make her confident in her self-worth, but it isn't going to happen if you wait until she is 16, then start reading to all her boyfriends from the book of threats. The time to start bolstering her ego is when you first notice her attempts to get your attention. It will not be the same for every kid, but could easily start before age 8, and may be as late as age 12.

Ask her to go on a date with you! Yes, ask her, don't just tell her she is going. Within reason, allow her to select the agenda. Escort her to the car, seat her first, see to her comfort then thank her for going out with you. Remember, this is what will set her expectations for all dates to come! Don't blow it by being a jerk or losing your cool. (Mom, this is one of the few events you should not attend. Give your daughter a chance to be Cinderella for the evening, she’ll tell you all about it later.) If you take her to a restaurant, allow her to choose the course, or, at least, her own dinner. Compliment her on her appearance and tastes. Again, treat her in the manner you wish her future dates to treat her, so that she will also expect it of them. What you do, where you go, how she is treated and the time of your return all set the stage for her future date patterns, so show her just how much you respect her. Above all, be sure you both have a good time!

How often? Initially, a special date-night should be somewhat infrequent, and never on a night when she has school the next day. As she gets older, perhaps every month or two, and it might continue a bit after she starts regular dating. You'll know when it is time to stop, because she will no longer have the time or inclination, but she will remember your love, kindness and attention forever.

Oh, yeah, take lots of pictures. You will not believe how much you will miss this when has passed. Never forget that you will have given her a self-image that will last her lifetime, the confidence in herself she will need to function as an adult, and an aura of love that will last her for all of her life. Job well done!

Ephesians 6:1-3 tells us; "Children, obey your parents; this is the right thing to do because God has placed them in authority over you. Honor your father and your mother. This is the first of God's Ten Commandments that end with a promise. And this is the promise: that if you honor your father and mother, yours will be a long life, full of blessing." God has placed parents in a position of leadership and authority over children for a reason! They must have our control, as well as our love. Every interaction we have with our kids carries the opportunity to make them stronger, both from God's perspective, and from ours.

Colossians 3:20-21 instructs us; "You children must always obey your fathers and mothers, for that pleases the Lord. Fathers, don't scold your children so much that they become discouraged and quit trying." If we make the learning process fun, our kids will find it easier to learn. Your daughters will learn their value from you, or they will learn the world's value system. Which do you prefer?

1 John 2:15-16 gives us this admonition; "Stop loving this evil world and all that it offers you, for when you love these things you show that you do not really love God; for all these worldly things' these evil desires - the craze for sex, the ambition to buy everything that appeals to you, and the pride that comes from wealth and importance - these are not from God. They are from this evil world itself." (all quotes TLB) This is an incredibly important lesson, and it is one that your kids can never learn from the world! They need you! They need your love, and they need your values.

Their future requires it.

Their safety demands it.

Live up to the responsibility!

Mr Mike

All are our Children

This got to be a lot too long for one posting, so I am dividing it up into (hopefully) easier-to-manage chunks. More to come...

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part one - sons

All kids today will get guidance. The world offers a viewpoint that you probably will not like, but one that young people will absorb, if your love, feelings, and beliefs are not evident. Yet, at the same time, we feel driven to provide the best financial future we can for our families.

Sadly, we often miss that out children need a lot more from us than just money.

When I was young, it was accepted that the father would be largely gone throughout much of the day (and sometimes night) earning the "daily bread." To the mother fell the day-to-day responsibility and guidance of the kids. Really big behaviour problems brought out the "Just you wait until your father gets home" threat! This generally worked, simply because dad was so exhausted, that upon his arrival, he got right to the seat of the problem. Weekends, holidays, and vacation time were special, though, and devoted to leisure, sports, family get-togethers and travel.

Perfect? No, but it generally worked. Most of us grew up understanding that our folks loved us, and had certain expectations of us. The majority of young people reached adulthood with only the usual scrapes, stupidities, and minor rebellions marring our paths. We had our adult role models, often parents or other relatives, to emulate.

Today, it is far more common that both parents will have to work, just to try to "make ends meet." Sometimes, one parent will take on a crushing workload, so that, "My kids will have it better than I did!" Either way, the children will suffer. They need both parents in their lives, and not just as role models and caretakers. In differing ways, mom and dad provide each child with their self-esteem, and give them their first understanding of their own value. These things cannot be bought on the credit card.

Babies must have mom. Indeed, it is generally accepted that very little babies do not initially understand that any difference exists between himself or herself, and mom. That realization comes with time, and lots of wet diapers, but for the first several years, love, trust, care, dependence and reliance, are based on, and learned from, mom.

It isn't that a baby doesn't need dad, it is simply that he initially has a role that is not percieved as being tied to the baby's needs. (Don't be upset guys, this may be God's gift to her for enduring the pregnancy. You wouldn't want to go through that, believe me!)

Due to God's design, kids' developement changes fairly soon. Adults' gender-based differences require that the children have unique childhoods, again based on gender.

To grow into a man requires more than that the boy be exposed to sports and toy soldiers and such. As a large part of any child's developement is mental, imagination is always required. At some point, the little guy wants to be a hero, it will be a huge focal point of all his imaginings. Of course, all heroes need someone to rescue, so who will it be? Dad? No, dad is that larger than life guy that junior hopes to be "just like" when he grows up. So who is left? Mom, that's who! Every little boy spends years imagining situations wherein he is the cowboy, soldier, cop, spacemen, robot or action hero who is called upon to "rescue mom" from the great and terrible whatever. With the passage of years, his interests will expand, but his need to be the one who rights wrongs and fights injustice usually remains. He gets into sports (or science, or music, or ROTC, or something similar), but these drives remain, an integral part of his being. It is part of what makes him the man you want him to become. Mom, give him the encouragement he needs. Ask him to help you with tasks that, perhaps, you could accomplish better on you own, but make him feel as though you couldn't do it without him. He will be a much better man for it, and that will make you proud.

This is not meant to imply the father has little, or no work here. Dad will be the role model who teaches how to deal with life's tragedies, how to be supportive, and how to do things like drive, hunt, throw a pass, hit the ball, hammer a nail, mow the yard and be strong. The father is also junior's source for learning how to be loving and respectful, how to play fair and how to shoulder your own responsibilties! If pop doesn't (or cannot) exhibit these traits, then neither will his son.

Sometimes a child will have been so abused that this normal developemental pathway is damaged. In this case, the demand on the non-abusive parties are incredible! This child MUST be shown that all the world isn't his attacker, but it will be a long hard journey for all concerned.

We are told; "Young men, listen to me as you would to your father. Listen, and grow wise, for I speak the truth - don't turn away. For I, too, was once a son, tenderly loved by my mother as an only child, and the companion of my father." (prov 4:1-3)

...and; "Young man, obey your father and your mother. Tie their instructions around your finger so you won't forget. Take to heart all their advice. Every day and all night long their counsel will lead you and save you from harm; when you wake up in the morning, let their instructions guide you into the new day." (prov 6:20-22 - all quotes TLB)

Always remember that your sons cannot hear your instructions and advice if you are not there to share it! Be there! Share your love! Share God's word, and start when they are young enough to hear His message without the world's cynicism and Satan distorting it.

See you soon, in Paradise!

Mr Mike