All are our Children

This got to be a lot too long for one posting, so I am dividing it up into (hopefully) easier-to-manage chunks. More to come...

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part one - sons

All kids today will get guidance. The world offers a viewpoint that you probably will not like, but one that young people will absorb, if your love, feelings, and beliefs are not evident. Yet, at the same time, we feel driven to provide the best financial future we can for our families.

Sadly, we often miss that out children need a lot more from us than just money.

When I was young, it was accepted that the father would be largely gone throughout much of the day (and sometimes night) earning the "daily bread." To the mother fell the day-to-day responsibility and guidance of the kids. Really big behaviour problems brought out the "Just you wait until your father gets home" threat! This generally worked, simply because dad was so exhausted, that upon his arrival, he got right to the seat of the problem. Weekends, holidays, and vacation time were special, though, and devoted to leisure, sports, family get-togethers and travel.

Perfect? No, but it generally worked. Most of us grew up understanding that our folks loved us, and had certain expectations of us. The majority of young people reached adulthood with only the usual scrapes, stupidities, and minor rebellions marring our paths. We had our adult role models, often parents or other relatives, to emulate.

Today, it is far more common that both parents will have to work, just to try to "make ends meet." Sometimes, one parent will take on a crushing workload, so that, "My kids will have it better than I did!" Either way, the children will suffer. They need both parents in their lives, and not just as role models and caretakers. In differing ways, mom and dad provide each child with their self-esteem, and give them their first understanding of their own value. These things cannot be bought on the credit card.

Babies must have mom. Indeed, it is generally accepted that very little babies do not initially understand that any difference exists between himself or herself, and mom. That realization comes with time, and lots of wet diapers, but for the first several years, love, trust, care, dependence and reliance, are based on, and learned from, mom.

It isn't that a baby doesn't need dad, it is simply that he initially has a role that is not percieved as being tied to the baby's needs. (Don't be upset guys, this may be God's gift to her for enduring the pregnancy. You wouldn't want to go through that, believe me!)

Due to God's design, kids' developement changes fairly soon. Adults' gender-based differences require that the children have unique childhoods, again based on gender.

To grow into a man requires more than that the boy be exposed to sports and toy soldiers and such. As a large part of any child's developement is mental, imagination is always required. At some point, the little guy wants to be a hero, it will be a huge focal point of all his imaginings. Of course, all heroes need someone to rescue, so who will it be? Dad? No, dad is that larger than life guy that junior hopes to be "just like" when he grows up. So who is left? Mom, that's who! Every little boy spends years imagining situations wherein he is the cowboy, soldier, cop, spacemen, robot or action hero who is called upon to "rescue mom" from the great and terrible whatever. With the passage of years, his interests will expand, but his need to be the one who rights wrongs and fights injustice usually remains. He gets into sports (or science, or music, or ROTC, or something similar), but these drives remain, an integral part of his being. It is part of what makes him the man you want him to become. Mom, give him the encouragement he needs. Ask him to help you with tasks that, perhaps, you could accomplish better on you own, but make him feel as though you couldn't do it without him. He will be a much better man for it, and that will make you proud.

This is not meant to imply the father has little, or no work here. Dad will be the role model who teaches how to deal with life's tragedies, how to be supportive, and how to do things like drive, hunt, throw a pass, hit the ball, hammer a nail, mow the yard and be strong. The father is also junior's source for learning how to be loving and respectful, how to play fair and how to shoulder your own responsibilties! If pop doesn't (or cannot) exhibit these traits, then neither will his son.

Sometimes a child will have been so abused that this normal developemental pathway is damaged. In this case, the demand on the non-abusive parties are incredible! This child MUST be shown that all the world isn't his attacker, but it will be a long hard journey for all concerned.

We are told; "Young men, listen to me as you would to your father. Listen, and grow wise, for I speak the truth - don't turn away. For I, too, was once a son, tenderly loved by my mother as an only child, and the companion of my father." (prov 4:1-3)

...and; "Young man, obey your father and your mother. Tie their instructions around your finger so you won't forget. Take to heart all their advice. Every day and all night long their counsel will lead you and save you from harm; when you wake up in the morning, let their instructions guide you into the new day." (prov 6:20-22 - all quotes TLB)

Always remember that your sons cannot hear your instructions and advice if you are not there to share it! Be there! Share your love! Share God's word, and start when they are young enough to hear His message without the world's cynicism and Satan distorting it.

See you soon, in Paradise!

Mr Mike